I can't remember exactly where this photo was taken because the moment is just so bland and boring, but it captures a very real moment in the life of a working band on the road. 9-12 hours a day in a van before a show day after day after day. Catch sleep where you can. Catch up on the news. Text with loved ones. Email. Preserve your sanity!
And now for something completely different.... but still related.
I've got the writing bug! FINALLY!
For the last couple of months I've been working to develop a writing habit. For the last 5 years, I've been very seriously studying 3 act story structure for screenwriting. I'd studied it in film school and did a fair amount of extracurricular reading on the subject, but I can't say I'd been all that serious about it.
Why am I trying to cultivate a writing habit though?
Let's go back a few years.... decades really.
When I was 10, I was a full on D&D fanatic, metalhead, science enthusiast, sci-fi and fantasy dork. I wish I could say proudly so, but it was the early 1980s and being a geek wasn't looked upon at all positively. I had my little cadre of friends that I indulged all of my geeky desires with, but we didn't really talk about it with our larger circle of friends because the 80s really were like the Rush song "Subdivisions"... just to make my geek point even geekier.
Reading the Lord of the Rings was a mind blowing experience for me. Such an epic story. Such a fully fleshed out world. I was enthralled.
Being 10, of course I thought, "I can do that!" I started writing short stories. Super derivative stuff about my D&D characters. I copped elements from Norse and Greek mythology. My favorite D&D character, Pelides, was a ranger and I wrote a whole series of short stories about his adventures. Surprise, surprise... he had a dog companion!
All through elementary, middle, and high school I wrote. I wrote in college. I chose UCSC as my preferred college because it had an actual creative writing major.
I would up double majoring in Political Theory and Art with an Emphasis in Photography... a long and twisted story of its own.
Into my early adult years, I wrote. Friends thought of me as a writer. I hung out with other aspiring writers.... all of whom I naturally thought were vastly superior to me. I can't let myself feel good about what I'm doing now can I?
Enter the sad reality of needing to make a living. Working in photo labs led to a job in desktop publishing which led to jobs in freelance page layout and graphics production which led to working in a "multimedia" and events.
Then the dotcom bust of 2001. I was really really good at my job as a graphics production artist, but in 2001, there were a lot of us around and we all needed something to distinguish ourselves from the hordes to secure what had become increasingly difficult jobs to find.
Instead of going the scripting and coding route... I'd rather claw my eyes out than stare at code all day... I opted to have my midlife crisis early at the age of 30 and go to film school. With my photography background, I was certain I'd get into cinematography.
Funny thing, no one in my class of 19 had really ever worked with a camera before. The whole 24fps thing and ability to move the camera were really the only new aspects of the camera to me and I figured I could pick that up over time. I'd let the people new to the camera take all the assignments that worked directly with the camera.
I got back into writing because, well, writing was a requirement of the program. We had to complete a first draft of a screenplay in order to satisfy our graduation requirements.
I completed a first draft of a terrible screenplay, but I was writing again. The only part of that script that I liked was a single line of dialogue.
"Dude! Only you could manage to get mugged by hippies!"
Our first big project was a silent film that we shot on 16mm film on these wind up Russian cameras. We also edited these films on a Moviola flatbed editing rig.
Editing film is a major, bureaucratic pain in the ass, but it was fun! I loved it!
Our next project was edited on Final Cut Pro 3. Oooooo! Editing is not only fun, but digital editing is way easier and more flexible. This is great!
Fuck the camera department. I'm going to be an editor! I take every job I can in editing. Music videos, commercials, short films, a couple of really shitty features.... but mostly lots and lots and lots of short films. I had a knack for it.
I was developing a style, but flexible enough to meet the desired needs of any project.
I eschewed learning AfterEffects so I could focus on narrative editing. I knew this would limit some of my commercial editing options, but I thought I was going to make it as a narrative feature editor.
Ah! I kinda miss my delusional naivete of my early 30s.
Editing is a cutthroat market. Luckily, I was approached by the Fassio brothers in 2006 about working at Modern Digital... my dream 9 to 5 job! The only 9 to 5 I can honestly say I enjoyed.
It was here that I developed professionally as a post production technician. I learned so much on this job. It came at the cost of being a "creative" though.
After almost two years of working there as a freelancer and eventually full time employee, I really kind of dropped out the local filmmaking scene.
Enter the crash of 2008! Once again, an economic crash forced me out of a job. A job that I loved and was really going to miss.
Fuck it. I'm going full time freelance! I call an old producer friends who's struck out on his own and start a new working relationship that would prove fruitful and last for about 6 years. I picked up a couple other new clients as well so my eggs weren't all in one basket.
I'm editing, doing some light production... lots of commercials, social media video, the odd music video.. basically decent paying work that is highly non-creative and really boring.
In order to make ends meet, I stay in this little bubble of sustaining, but non-creative work for a long time.
HOLY SHIT I'M IN MY FORTIES NOW!!!!!!!
Kids are coming out of film school now willing to do the same work as me for half to a quarter of what I demand. This is a super competitive market now.
I have a handful of clients that are sustaining me, but revenue is spiky. Much bigger valleys than high peaks. I haven't seriously edited any narrative work in years. I really miss it.
I take on a web series, but it's a fucking mess. I take on a short film, but it's a fucking mess. I tackle a feature to help out a young filmmaker, but it's a super gigantic pain in the ass mess AND I will never get paid for it. I edit a trailer for a documentary that I really really really wanted to edit, but the director is a nightmare person and I have to walk away before I lost any more of my sanity.
Not all is hopeless though. I direct a short with a dream team of friends and professional colleagues. I do a couple of timed competitions with some dear friends and we have a great time making each other laugh.
We're almost caught up. In 2014, I realize that editing just can't be my entire professional focus. I'll never make it on that alone. There are so many talented younger editors that popped up in Seattle during my exile in autodealershipcommercialland. It's really hard to snap up a solid narrative short or feature project because I'm just no longer known as a narrative editor anymore.
I need to expand my skill set. I take a directing and writing program with John and Robin at Freehold Theater. It's an eye opener. It took me out of my comfort zone in the most productive possible way. I learned new and interesting ways to ruin movies for Kasia!
I'm energized about directing and writing, but this is going to be a long haul endeavor to make a self-sustaining career. I take another writing course at the illustrious The Film School with Brian McDonald. Very illuminating. A great complement to what I had learned in my two courses with John.
STRUCTURE STRUCTURE STRUCTURE!
So, I decide to embrace writing as a long term strategy. It's not as much an age game as editing and directing are. It's something I can do until the day I die. It's flexible. I can do it from anywhere... as long as I'm willing to hop a plane at a moment's notice.
Again, this is a long term strategy. I start shooting stock photography and footage as a strategy for helping make the deep revenue valleys a little less deep. It's another long term strategy, but it's under way. I've finally started taking this approach seriously.
But, I still need some direct income jobs. I don't want to give up on editing as I'm really quite good at it, but in my mid-40s, I basically need to recreate my editing career from scratch. How do I do this?
Well, first step... I try to get the editing gig for my buddy Domenic's feature. I'm in the running. I put in my bid. I lose the gig to another editor whose work I admire and have the utmost professional respect for. I was very seriously considered though, so that's a step in the right direction! Baby steps.
Luckily, I'm offered the assistant editor position on the project. I'd never done a professional feature in Premiere before, so I learn a great deal in the process.
This job leads to another feature assistant editor gig with another group of friends. That led to another DIT/AE gig on a short... and then another. Excellent.
In my mid 40s, I'm learning I actually really enjoy the assistant editor/DIT gig. I show up. Do the media management. Rename the files. Sync the footage. Organize the project. Make life for the editor as easy as possible. I have no ego involvement in this project. I do my job and go away at the end of the day with my brain free to focus on my own future projects and my fantastic life at home. It's great!
Again... baby steps in getting my name out there as an editor and assistant editor. This will help fill in the revenue gaps.
After my mom's passing last year, my depression decided to take it up a notch. So much that it finally motivated me to seek help. Finally doing this has helped me so much.
Bryce and I have worked on building up my self-confidence and how to lessen my social anxiety. We've also talked about my ancient writing aspirations and how I can work to make that an active part of my life again. I mean, I've put the time and effort into the education, now I need to execute on it!
The habit is taking hold now. I haven't dived into my feature screenplay ambitions yet, but writing all these blog posts has really taken hold. If I haven't started writing every day by 8am, I get a little anxious. I aim to make these posts my continued effort to develop the writing habit and push me to a place of confidence in my creative side that has been missing for over two decades.
What does this photo have to do with any of this? Basically, I enjoy finding the magic, the absurdity, the drama in a mundane moment... photographically, narratively, through editing, through story whatever form it takes.
Also, I need some editing and assistant editing work. GIMME! You'll be glad you did!
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