In 2011 I got to experience Italian pizza in Rome for the first time. Need I say more? It was pizza. In Rome. At a fairly fancy restaurant.
After the first bite, I was certain that I had tasted the be-all-end-all of pizza. The crust was thin and crispy. The sauce was tangy-sweet-spicy-savory. Fragrant with fresh oregano and basil. The acidic aroma of the tomatoes overwhelmed my sense of smell. The spicy salami creating a slight, orange, oily stain on the pristine mozzarella cheese.
Then we went to Slovenia.
When you're on the road with Kutur Shock, you will be exposed to a lot of places that serve pizza. We were in Ljubljana picking up some gear and taking a break before powering on to a film festival in a castle on a hill in the Istrian Peninsula of Croatia.
The place was Trnovski Zvon. A place famous for pizza and horse meat. I opt for the 8 cheese pizza. When you order a pizza in this part of the world, don't expect anything resembling an American pizza experience. It comes to you fresh out of the oven. Unsliced. A single, unpitted, green olive roughly in the center. This is a pizza you eat with a fork and knife.
Ok. NOW! Now I have had the be-all-end-all of pizza! 8 cheeses! Not piled up in one big morass of aged cheese curd. Rather, one cheese per "slice" with a single space that is mozzarella only. The crust is thicker than an Italian crust. With a name like 8 Cheese, you'd expect to be overwhelmed by the cheese, but you'd be wrong. It's generous, but not overdone. When you slice into it, it doesn't come off in one giant glob leaving you with a triangle of dough wet with tomato sauce. Nope. Every bite has a proper cheese to sauce to dough ratio.
I love this pizza. It's probably my favorite pizza to date at this point in my life. I won't shut up about this pizza for years. Kasia is dubious about my claims regarding the quality of this particular pizza until...
Two years later, Kasia and I visit Lubljana as the last stop on our honeymoon trip. She orders a pizza at Trnovski Zvon. She has no option but to agree with my assessment of this pizza. It's simply fantastic! Neither she nor I would say this is the "best" pizza we've ever had, but, at least for me, this is one of the pizzas I've enjoyed the most.
My friend Tea in Ljubljana for years liked to tease me for enjoying Trnovski Zvon so much.
"That place is not even in the top 10 pizza places in town! Next time you're in town, I'm treating you to some real local pizza!"
And she did! When I was there in the fall of 2018, she took me to "Gostilnica 5-6 Kg". Italian style pizza. No olive in the middle. A masterwork in simplicity. Fresh. Luscious. Beautiful. I've now been to two pizza places in Ljubljana and have a new favorite! Is this new place "the best"?
"The best" is an absurd idea!
In fact, I have stopped using the word "best" in regards to pizza among a host of other things like bands, movies, and generally everything. The word "best" implies some level of objective, empirical standing. That it was analyzed using some form of the scientific method to draw the conclusion of "best".
When I talk to my dog or cats I like to joke that they're the "best dog in the room", or the "best black cat in the room".
There is no "best" pizza. There are only personal preferences and relative, deeply subjective rankings of pizza. There is only one's "favorite" pizza.
My new favorite pizza... a tie. "Gostilnica 5-6 Kg" in Ljubljana and "Pizza Zero Zero" in Zagreb. Sadly, I am unable to enjoy these on a regular basis, so I need to find places in and around Seattle to satisfy my pizza itch.
Around Seattle, my favorites are Mio Posto, the Tutta Bella in Columbia City, Big Mario's, Sizzle Pie, Osteria da Primo, Stellar Pizza, the PCC in Burien, Breezy City Pie and... gasp!... Round Table!
At home, I like to make zapiekanki... Polish street pizza. A French bread style pizza that is glorious in its simplicity. Easy to make. Tasty as fuck.
The world offers a wide variety of pizza styles. New York, Chicago, Roman, Neapolitan, Sicilian, Dertoit, and on and on. Sure, some countries and cities have a more storied history with pizza than others. Rome, New York, Chicago. Other places are mocked for the very idea that edible pizza could even exist there. California, Detroit, France.
The level to which people get bent out of shape with local pride over pizza is comical in its scope.
In the late 90s, I used to hang out with a group of people heavy on folk from Chicago and New York. Being the provocative dick that I was, I would insert myself into discussions at parties, bring up the topic of pizza, watch the fuse burn, and bail before the inevitable stupid chemical reaction happened. Less to avoid the explosion of insipid opinions than it was to get myself to a safe distance before the strangely tribalistic party-goers realized that a Philistine from California started the argument.
"What does a Californian know about pizza?! Let's hang the fucker!"
It was always a fun, pointless mess to watch.
The level to which people will freak out over which pizza is "best" is both hilarious and sad.
"New York is the only pizza. It's the water! Fuck you!"
"Screw you! Chicago! It's a meal not a cracker!"
"Vaffanculo! If it's not Italian it's not pizza!"
"Fuck you and your pineapple on a pizza! Pineapple doesn't belong on a pizza you heretic. I'll burn you on a fucking stake!"
"Thai chicken pizza?! I'll dismember you with a spoon!"
It's hilarious in its absurdity. It's sad in that someone can expend that amount of emotional energy over something so trivial. It almost always comes across like some form of stupid nationalism. Finding superiority in something so small and regional and unimportant.
Is there a dough, covered with some sort of sauce, and garnished with some sort of topping? Chances are it's a pizza.
Is it a glutinous dough, slathered in a tomato sauce, covered in cheese, sometimes with toppings? Yup. Pizza.
Is there pineapple on top of it? Yup. Still pizza.
There is no best pizza. There is only pizza you like, pizza you'll eat, and pizza you don't like. End of story.
I've had excellent pizza in New York, Chicago, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Orlando, Seattle, San Francisco, Minneapolis, Rome, Zadar, Zagreb, Ljubljana, Krakow, Missoula, Sonoma, Lake Tahoe, and HAMILTON FUCKING MONTANA! You can find good pizza just about anywhere... except at Pizza Hut. I'm not sure that shit even qualifies as a food substance.
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