Schmoozing

Days 3 through 6 were busy ones. It's still too early to tell what is a real effect of the Zoloft versus what is placebo effect. Some of the side effects are pretty obvious though. Some of the more unpleasant GI side effects, though luckily they're mild. Mild inconvenience at worst. Alertness! This is definitely not a new, unexpected sensitivity to caffeine. After 30 about years of sincerely enjoying coffee in all its forms as well as the effects of caffeine, this can't possibly be about caffeine. This alertness is subtle. It's not like being wired on stimulants. It's simply being very much awake. I've outlined my morning routine in detail and how any slight variance will cause me a comedic level of confusion... at least to an outsider. To me, it's the end of the world... for 30 seconds. It's only been a couple of days, so this has to be placebo, but I feel a bit more aware and focused first thing in the morning, even if I'm on a less than optimal amount of sleep... a common occurrence over the next few days. Thursday is uneventful again. I do a bit of work. I nap a bit. I'm writing this on the following Monday, so I can't really recall the events of this particular day. That means it wasn't terribly eventful. Good. Friday is a big day though. The Parish, a locally produced film that I was data wrangler and assistant editor on, premieres at the opening night of the Seattle Film Summit. I'm really excited to see this! I loved working on this film! So many people I love, admire, and respect were involved in its creation and execution. Also, the timing of its production couldn't have come at a better time! It was a couple of weeks after I got home from Montana dealing with my mom's death and the shit show that is dealing with the passing of a parent who didn't do anything to make handling their estate at all easy or pleasant. So, working with this crew at this time was exactly what I needed. And tonight! Tonight, it was finished and ready to show off to the world. I get through my day. It's largely like the last three days. A little work. A little writing. A nap later in the day. Some coffee after that to wake up a bit. One thing I've noticed in the late afternoon since I started the medicine. A pronounced irritability for about an hour or so. Little things annoy me. Irrationally so. I do my best to keep it to myself. The movie starts at 8. This is Seattle, so that means 9. I'm still compulsive about being on time which means being super early, and feeling anxious about not being early enough. Thank you so much for this particular character trait, dad! There's a red carpet event at 7pm. I really don't like these. Never have. I've never liked the spotlight... at least not for the majority of my adulthood. I'm behind the scenes. I'm support. I'm encouragement. I'm infrastructure. I'm content with that. There are many who enjoy this spotlight. Though I don't, I understand why they do. Appreciate it even. Especially when it's an independent production that some people poured so much time, as well as scarce and precious resources into. So... I'm going to suck it up. Be there on time. Try to smile for the photos that I'm asked to be in, though not offer to be in any more than I am asked to be in. It's 5:45pm or so. Friday. Rush hour. I live 10 or so miles from the theater in Renton. Normally a 15 minute drive. Not tonight. It's 45 minutes according to Google Maps. I say my home goodbyes and hit the road. If you're not familiar with the infrastructure of the greater Seattle metropolitan area, there are 3 major north/south highways. 99/Aurora to the west. I5, straight through the center or the region. 405 along the east from the airport to the Lynnwood area. The theater is just off of Exit 5 on 405 in Renton. I HATE 405! I get on 518 in Burien which merges into 405 right at I5 by Southcenter Mall. The moment you make this merge, make sure your belt is buckled because things are going to get stupid really fast. Merging left or right is a thrill seeker's dream come true! Everyone turns into an idiot on 405. I plan my drive so that, once I get on 518, I stay in the same lane until I reach exit 5 in Renton toward The Landing. Assholes everywhere! Exit 2 heads south to Kent, Auburn... and Ikea. Everyone in the left lanes suddenly realize at the last second that they need to be in the rightmost lane and jerk their cars across 4 lanes of traffic without signaling. Usually a custom Honda that sounds like a leaf blower on steroids, or some fancy Mercedes whose driver wants to show off how important and ridiculously entitled they are. This 5 mile stretch takes about 25 minutes. I blast Yes' "Close to the Edge" for the drive. Haven't listened to it in ages. I'd forgotten how much I love this album, and why it's my favorite Yes album. It helps make this odious drive bearable. I navigate this stupid stretch of road packed with stupid people at this stupid time of day. Manage my way to the parking garage next to the theater and witness the stupidest collision ever. Drunk guy barely navigates a left hand turn in a cramped, Trader Joe's style parking lot and then proceeds to stupidly and slowly run into the stationary Escalade a mere 25 feet away. I'm the car directly behind these poor people. I'm asked to give a statement while the drunk guy screams about how the Escalade family rammed into him. Drunk guy is escorted away in handcuffs as a friend or co-worker desperately encourages him to shut the fuck up and comply. I give my statement to the police, exchange info with the people who were so unceremoniously and slow run into. Woo! Adrenaline! I'm awake. Now, back to my normal life. I have a smoke before entering the theater. Try to center myself. There are going to be A LOT of people here from various personal and professional circles, and I need to be social. I'm on edge from the accident, and know that I will be in a warm, cramped space talking with a combination of close friends, professional colleagues, and people I barely know but know who I am because of the 48HFP and the fact that I've been in this industry in this town for almost 20 years. I'm decidedly not in the spotlight tonight. It's Angela, David, Sanae, and Bill's night. Deservedly so. Completing a feature film, especially in Seattle is no small feat and they deserve the accolades and attention that comes with that accomplishment. I get in on one of the crew photos. And then I can unbutton my "dress shirt", and feel comfortable in my own skin. Because I have a minor level of celebrity, there are people I barely know that want to chat to me about the 48 or inquire if I need help on any projects. All very well meaning, and I'm flattered that I've garnered enough of a professional reputation that people would find me important enough to approach, but I struggle with it every single time. I vacillate between having a fun, comfortable chat with friends, and uncomfortable (for me) chats with very nice, well meaning, and generally delightful folk. It's the beginning of a weekend full of me responding to the following question, "Are you working on anything interesting?" The simple answer to that is "yes and no". I'm editing a short that I'm excited to be a part of. Other than that, I don't work on too much interesting stuff. Mostly jobs to pay the bills. Utility jobs. I never really know how to answer this question in a satisfactory manner. I stumble through it every time, desperately trying to downplay any importance or confidence I'm feeling at the time. I make my way through these pleasant if uncomfortable chats. Meet some new people. Have some opportunities to deepen my relationship with a couple folks. Reminisce with old friends. Then finally... MOVIE TIME!

The lights dim in the room after Angela and David speak to the crowd. A whole bunch of trailers for local indie projects fly across the screen. People cheer for their fellow Washington filmmakers. The Parish. A supernatural thriller. One of my favorite to date performances by my dear friend Angela. Her husband and creative co-conspirator David did a fantastic job coaxing dynamite performances out of the cast. Basically, the film deserves an entire post all to its own. It's always very satisfying to something you worked on up there on a giant screen in a room with people sharing the experience. Doubly so when you see your name scroll up the screen... even more so when there's a few hoots and hollers of your name. Thanks whoever did that! Q&A time. Angela, David, Sanae, and Bill all graciously answer questions from the audience. They also gush about their love and gratitude for everyone involved. It's all very delightful and squishy and well deserved. I gotta get out of here though. I've hit my social quota for the day. Not sure I can handle any more. To complicate things, tomorrow is going to be a long day of pressing the flesh, schmoozing, listening, and the much loathed self promotion. I make the drive home. It's after 11, so 405 isn't a total nightmare. More of an unpleasant, mundane waking dream. 15 minutes and I'm home. Kasia is still up as is the zoo. We watch some Bob's Burgers. Jabber about our evenings. Make some of our trademark, juvenile inside jokes. Then sleep. The 2019 Seattle Film Summit proper is tomorrow. I need to be prepared! Zzzzzzzzzz.